Child abuse isn’t easy to talk about. While there are various times set aside each year to bring awareness to the topic, many still shy away from it. In fact, someone once told me not to expect meaningful conversations about it in our shared social circles. They were right – people don’t want to touch the issue.
If you grew up in a safe and stable home, you may not realize just how widespread child abuse and neglect are. According to the National Institutes of Health (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK470337/), approximately one in four children in the U.S. will experience abuse or neglect in their lifetime. Of those, 18% are physically abused, 78% are neglected, and 9% experience sexual abuse.
These numbers aren’t just statistics – they are human lives fighting for survival. I think of the children I knew growing up, especially one girl I’ll call Janeen (a pseudonym to protect her privacy). Even in first grade, it was obvious something was wrong, though none of us kids understood what. Janeen and her siblings were often mocked for their appearance – unkempt hair, tattered clothes, and poor hygiene. There were no anti-bullying campaigns in those days, and they became easy targets.
What we didn’t know then was that Janeen was living in a home riddled with alleged abuse. By junior high, I heard the rumors: Janeen and her siblings had run away – seeking help the only way they knew how. Shockingly, they were returned to their parents by Social Services. The system failed to hear their cries for help. It wouldn’t be the last time I witnessed the system failing to protect the vulnerable.
Later, Janeen tried to fit in. But years of neglect had robbed her of the tools needed to connect with others. I remember one morning at 15, walking to school, when Janeen ran toward me like a lost puppy – desperate for connection. What she didn’t know was that I was also carrying the weight of my own childhood abuse. I didn’t reject her, but I didn’t help her either. That moment still haunts me.
Recently, I looked her up, hoping she’d made it through, overcome her past, and found peace. What I found instead broke my heart: Janeen died young. Why? I started digging.
A study cited by the NIH (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19840693/) found that individuals exposed to high levels of childhood trauma can die up to 20 years earlier than those who aren’t. And while it’s no surprise that child abuse is linked to mental health challenges, it also correlates with serious physical conditions like cancer (https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6036632/) and heart disease. According to the American Heart Association, a UK study of over 153,000 adults found that any form of childhood maltreatment increased the risk of heart failure by 14%. (https://www.heart.org/en/news/2022/10/05/abuse-neglect-in-childhood-may-increase-heart-failure-risk-as-an-adult).
The long-term impact of abuse doesn’t vanish when a child turns 18. The scars – emotional, psychological, even physical – often follow them for life. If we want to change this, we must start by listening to children and teens when they’re crying out for help. Likewise, the legal community must be understanding and supportive when abuse survivors finally have the courage to come forward. Instead, as happened in Stevenson v. Stevenson, Case No. 56-CV-20-2928, the Otter Tail County Judge assigned to the case used phrases like “completely divorced from rational processes” and “(unreasonably) outraged” to describe an adult survivor of abuse – and stated that the she had only spoken about her childhood physical and emotional abuse “colloquially.” You can read about it here: Bullied by the Judicial System – Justice-Denied. Giving a free pass to abusers and shaming the victims that come forward is a disgraceful way for our legal system to behave. Citizens in Minnesota’s Seventh Judicial District deserve better than this.
Public education, community engagement, and victim advocacy are essential tools in the fight against childhood abuse. But none of it can begin until we’re willing to have the conversation about abuse, its effect on children, and its long-term effects on adult survivors – no matter how uncomfortable those conversations may be.
♥ Marie Stevenson is a wife and mother, and is the Secretary and CFO of a small business located in Fergus Falls, Minnesota. Marie and Craig have been married for over 35 years.